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Derelict Scooter

by Half Black

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1.
Death Trip 02:43
You’re my best business Cuz you’re in love with my mistress and now you’re in distress and I’m a bury you under Elm and Commercial You’re my best death grip and Soon you’ll be gone on a death trip but first, leave me a big tip before shuffling off to Buffalo.
2.
My wife is a toothpick artist and I sell hair online. We have 12 million dollars and we need 7 bedrooms and we need 7 bathrooms and we need 7 less kids and we need a big pool to drown all 7 in. CURB APPEAL! DO A SHOT! SUBWAY TILE! DO A SHOT! BACKSPLASH! DO A SHOT! OPEN CONCEPT! DO A SHOT! NEIGHBORHOOD COMPS! DO A SHOT! AND CLOSING COSTS! DO A SHOT! EMPTY LOTS! DO A SHOT! AND VAULTED CEILINGS! DO A SHOT! We got 10 cars and one mother in law we need room for em all and a graveyard out back got 10 billion dollars we need farmhouse sinks and dont forget the kids we need to drown deep in the drink DO A SHOT! DO A SHOT! what a game! DO A SHOT! Pay the HOA pay the HOA You get that cool cool air if you pay pay pay DO A SHOT! CURB APPEAL! DO A SHOT! SUBWAY TILE! DO A SHOT! BACKSPLASH! DO A SHOT! OPEN CONCEPT! DO A SHOT! NEIGHBORHOOD COMPS! DO A SHOT! AND CLOSING COSTS! DO A SHOT! EMPTY LOTS! DO A SHOT! AND VAULTED CEILINGS! DO A SHOT!
3.
Chores 03:34
I gotta do my chores carpet wont come clean full of krunk and ashes of American Spirit greens I gotta do my chores so i can meet a lady and bring her back to my house So she can do some chores. All of mine. And maybe some of yours. Chores, man. Gotta do ‘em. He the CRL. He got the CLR. He turtle wax the car and opened up the pickle jar washed the cat, shook out the welcome mat cleaned out the fridge, sorted tupperware and lids folded all the clothes, turned on the sprinkler hose, if theres a chore i aint done, it aint a chore I suppose. Chores, man. Gotta do ‘em. I’m Unkle Keithy to the core ive done so many chores I’m a four star General in the doin' chores army. Ive slopped all the hogs debarked all the logs and suffered every nag from my mother in law I’ve made bank deposits of that Half Black cheese upgraded to coach from flying out on the wing so many chores that I’ve done to the illest i even caught a Laker game with Stephanie Zimbalist them chores are real. Like Remington Steele.
4.
To And Fro 01:31
she likes smooth jazz she’s eating nuts from a bag been driving since 11 best job she’s ever had you a jazzy bitch you a jazzy bitch you the jazziest bitch to ever drive a lyft you a jazzy bitch can i have some nuts? dude’s got a wife. but he drove us like a suicide Philadelphia in his rear view please just get us there alive you a nice guy you a nice guy but you drive like a suicide you a nice guy but pull over. i want out
5.
take a deep breath open the hips take a deep breath and shave up your lips release your tailbone from the crown of your head an unclean yoga mat smells just like the dead Focus on your neck, ill stare at your ass nude on the rooftop for our 6 o’clock class breathing and boxing with your tongues hanging out big bosom buddies with their big bosoms out NO SHIRT, NO PANTS parachute preggos walking up the walls remember to breathe out of both of your balls hey motherfucker. tell me whats up wit that hat all you unshaven dogs and shaved kitty cats rest that s-a-c-r-u-m rest that s-a-c-r-u-m baby doll i cant see over your hedge rest that s-a-c-r-u-m rest.
6.
contains sample from the film "The Hawk Is Dying".
7.
Repeat after me dont speak. shut your beak. staple it shut and follow me. Repeat after me i will not repeat any more speak for at least three weeks i’ve upped my rates and lowered my availability just once a week from 1 until three its hell or high water come 3:15 it’ll do wonders for you you’ll be free as a bird Repeat after me dont speak just shut your beak. sit and stare at me Repeat after me just sit in your tree. Pick at your seed and make it a point to pay on time.
8.
words by Lawrence Ferlinghetti from his poem "The World Is A Beautiful Place"
9.
In my home land of Ukraine no taxi, you must take the train no Lyft and no scooter in america, i drive the Uber meet nice people, i drive them thinking of moving to vancouver island saving money so i can move family i have Slim Jim, I provide them i lied before. i have no family all 11 left me in Ukraine, Uber take you did i mention i have meats for you? they are slim meats, i provide them i got them for you. i will drive you Where are you going? No need for app. I'm here already i provide meat and conversation did you enjoy baseball? This is conversation. i miss my wife and family today is our anniversary ten days ago she left me i could also not say anything i just drive UKRAINIAN JIM. I WILL DRIVE YOU. THE MEATS ARE SLIM. I MUST DRIVE.
10.
Let’s get the pool pregnant man, dont be ignant tell the groundskeeper roll a blunt of that good shit i dont smoke, but i got guests. I gotta keep it lit yeah that groundskeeper's on sumpthin’ look how he trims bush then goes into humpin’ i couldnt tell you just what this dude is on He got hoes he got hoes both back and front got a mean bottom bitch to trim all the crops all them fuckin sprinklers set on automatic cuz that honky so stoned that he’d otherwise forgot it that groundskeeper’s a weed freak deadheads in the greenhouse his mind is mulch his mind is mulch
11.
The Devil 03:54
The devil grabbed a saxophone he blew a siren song for the crowd but not a single tear was shed instead they all unleashed a mushroom cloud. and they took it all in and put it to film as much as their phones would allow and the devil went home/put his horn away there’s not much he can do about it now The devil grabbed the microphone and screamed “who out there feels alone? raise your hands!” But not a single hand went up Instead they all rushed the stage and burned down the bandstand. they tweeted it out. all the friends screamed out loud and just like that the moment was gone. and the devil went home/ put tape over his mouth there's not much he can do about it now. Get Bodied.
12.
Chillin' Out 03:32
Chillin' out in my 78 Dodge Ram the dopest tradesman conversion van LSD hippie shag carpet ride LSD hippie sex cult inside 14 Gs. Yeah it sounds like a steal turns out it costs that much for each wheel scrub up, you filthy animal lets get super weird by Gabriel’s horn and Lucifer’s beard Scrub up, Lorraine wash out your mouth its time to fill up the tank its time to chill out Cheer up, Lorraine wipe off your pout its time to fill up the tank its time to chill out

credits

released January 5, 2020

HALF BLACK.
DERELICT SCOOTER.
Written and performed by K.P. Ransom and Charles Ryan Lambert.
Recorded Summer 2019 in Atlanta, Georgia at Room 108 Sound Lab.
Engineered and mixed by THE CRL.
All lyrics by Half Black except:
* words by Lawrence Ferlinghetti.
** contains a sample from the film The Hawk Is Dying.
EVERYTHING IS MUSIC.
MAKE YOUR MUSIC EVERYTHING.
This album is dedicated to the Lyft and Uber drivers of Atlanta, Georgia.
Half Black loves you.

©2020 Modern Electric Recordings

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