1. |
Death Trip
02:43
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You’re my best business
Cuz you’re in love with my mistress
and now you’re in distress
and I’m a bury you under Elm and Commercial
You’re my best death grip
and Soon you’ll be gone on a death trip
but first, leave me a big tip
before shuffling off to Buffalo.
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2. |
HGTV Drinking Game
03:55
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My wife is a toothpick artist
and I sell hair online.
We have 12 million dollars
and we need 7 bedrooms
and we need 7 bathrooms
and we need 7 less kids
and we need a big pool to drown all 7 in.
CURB APPEAL! DO A SHOT!
SUBWAY TILE! DO A SHOT!
BACKSPLASH! DO A SHOT!
OPEN CONCEPT! DO A SHOT!
NEIGHBORHOOD COMPS! DO A SHOT!
AND CLOSING COSTS! DO A SHOT!
EMPTY LOTS! DO A SHOT!
AND VAULTED CEILINGS! DO A SHOT!
We got 10 cars
and one mother in law
we need room for em all
and a graveyard out back
got 10 billion dollars
we need farmhouse sinks
and dont forget the kids we need to drown deep in the drink
DO A SHOT! DO A SHOT! what a game! DO A SHOT!
Pay the HOA
pay the HOA
You get that cool cool air
if you pay pay pay
DO A SHOT!
CURB APPEAL! DO A SHOT!
SUBWAY TILE! DO A SHOT!
BACKSPLASH! DO A SHOT!
OPEN CONCEPT! DO A SHOT!
NEIGHBORHOOD COMPS! DO A SHOT!
AND CLOSING COSTS! DO A SHOT!
EMPTY LOTS! DO A SHOT!
AND VAULTED CEILINGS! DO A SHOT!
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3. |
Chores
03:34
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I gotta do my chores
carpet wont come clean
full of krunk and ashes of American Spirit greens
I gotta do my chores so i can meet a lady and bring her back to my house
So she can do some chores. All of mine. And maybe some of yours.
Chores, man.
Gotta do ‘em.
He the CRL. He got the CLR.
He turtle wax the car and opened up the pickle jar
washed the cat, shook out the welcome mat
cleaned out the fridge, sorted tupperware and lids
folded all the clothes, turned on the sprinkler hose,
if theres a chore i aint done, it aint a chore I suppose.
Chores, man.
Gotta do ‘em.
I’m Unkle Keithy to the core
ive done so many chores
I’m a four star General in the doin' chores army.
Ive slopped all the hogs
debarked all the logs
and suffered every nag from my mother in law
I’ve made bank deposits of that Half Black cheese
upgraded to coach from flying out on the wing
so many chores that I’ve done to the illest
i even caught a Laker game with Stephanie Zimbalist
them chores are real.
Like Remington Steele.
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4. |
To And Fro
01:31
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she likes smooth jazz
she’s eating nuts from a bag
been driving since 11
best job she’s ever had
you a jazzy bitch
you a jazzy bitch
you the jazziest bitch to ever drive a lyft
you a jazzy bitch
can i have some nuts?
dude’s got a wife.
but he drove us like a suicide
Philadelphia in his rear view
please just get us there alive
you a nice guy
you a nice guy
but you drive like a suicide
you a nice guy
but pull over.
i want out
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5. |
Naked Yoga School
02:56
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take a deep breath
open the hips
take a deep breath
and shave up your lips
release your tailbone from the crown of your head
an unclean yoga mat smells just like the dead
Focus on your neck, ill stare at your ass
nude on the rooftop for our 6 o’clock class
breathing and boxing with your tongues hanging out
big bosom buddies with their big bosoms out
NO SHIRT, NO PANTS
parachute preggos walking up the walls
remember to breathe out of both of your balls
hey motherfucker. tell me whats up wit that hat
all you unshaven dogs and shaved kitty cats
rest that s-a-c-r-u-m
rest that s-a-c-r-u-m
baby doll i cant see over your hedge
rest that s-a-c-r-u-m
rest.
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6. |
Hawk/Buzzard*
03:46
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contains sample from the film "The Hawk Is Dying".
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7. |
Bird Psychiatrist
03:43
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Repeat after me
dont speak.
shut your beak.
staple it shut
and follow me.
Repeat after me
i will not repeat
any more speak
for at least three weeks
i’ve upped my rates
and lowered my availability
just once a week
from 1 until three
its hell or high water come 3:15
it’ll do wonders for you
you’ll be free as a bird
Repeat after me
dont speak
just shut your beak.
sit and stare at me
Repeat after me
just sit in your tree.
Pick at your seed
and make it a point to pay on time.
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8. |
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words by Lawrence Ferlinghetti from his poem "The World Is A Beautiful Place"
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9. |
Ukrainian Jim
02:22
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In my home land of Ukraine
no taxi, you must take the train
no Lyft and no scooter
in america, i drive the Uber
meet nice people, i drive them
thinking of moving to vancouver island
saving money so i can move family
i have Slim Jim, I provide them
i lied before. i have no family
all 11 left me
in Ukraine, Uber take you
did i mention i have meats for you?
they are slim meats, i provide them
i got them for you. i will drive you
Where are you going? No need for app.
I'm here already
i provide meat and conversation
did you enjoy baseball?
This is conversation.
i miss my wife and family
today is our anniversary
ten days ago she left me
i could also not say anything
i just drive
UKRAINIAN JIM.
I WILL DRIVE YOU.
THE MEATS ARE SLIM.
I MUST DRIVE.
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10. |
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Let’s get the pool pregnant
man, dont be ignant
tell the groundskeeper roll a blunt of that good shit
i dont smoke, but i got guests.
I gotta keep it lit
yeah that groundskeeper's on sumpthin’
look how he trims bush
then goes into humpin’
i couldnt tell you just what this dude is on
He got hoes he got hoes
both back and front
got a mean bottom bitch
to trim all the crops
all them fuckin sprinklers set on automatic
cuz that honky so stoned
that he’d otherwise forgot it
that groundskeeper’s a weed freak
deadheads in the greenhouse
his mind is mulch
his mind is mulch
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11. |
The Devil
03:54
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The devil grabbed a saxophone
he blew a siren song for the crowd
but not a single tear was shed
instead they all unleashed a mushroom cloud.
and they took it all in and put it to film
as much as their phones would allow
and the devil went home/put his horn away
there’s not much he can do about it now
The devil grabbed the microphone
and screamed “who out there feels alone? raise your hands!”
But not a single hand went up
Instead they all rushed the stage and burned down the bandstand.
they tweeted it out. all the friends screamed out loud
and just like that the moment was gone.
and the devil went home/ put tape over his mouth
there's not much he can do about it now.
Get Bodied.
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12. |
Chillin' Out
03:32
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Chillin' out in my 78 Dodge Ram
the dopest tradesman conversion van
LSD hippie shag carpet ride
LSD hippie sex cult inside
14 Gs. Yeah it sounds like a steal
turns out it costs that much for each wheel
scrub up, you filthy animal
lets get super weird
by Gabriel’s horn and Lucifer’s beard
Scrub up, Lorraine
wash out your mouth
its time to fill up the tank
its time to chill out
Cheer up, Lorraine
wipe off your pout
its time to fill up the tank
its time to chill out
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